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How to Take Care of YOURSELF When Your Marriage is Failing

A failing marriage can be extremely hard on your self-esteem. It’s difficult not to see yourself through the eyes of your partner when you know they’re disenchanted with you and it feels like your flaws are all they seem to notice anymore.

  1. Don’t look at romantic holidays like Valentine’s Day as a downer.

When you’re falling out of love, all of the hearts and chocolates and roses of Valentine’s Day can feel like a shard of glass wedging beneath your skin. But what if there’s a different way to look at it? When things with your spouse are rough, there can still be an abundance of love in your life — self-love. Take days like these to remember how strong you are and to think about all the things you value most about yourself. What would it feel like to buy yourself a box of chocolates and a teddy bear or a new necklace? Not the one someone else would pick for you, but the one you want. It might feel pretty good. 

  1. Stop trying to fix everything.

You’re likely feeling extreme pressure to fix everything in your life. “If I try harder to be the person he wants me to be, maybe things will be better. If I can just make him understand this one thing, maybe things will be better. If I can get the house cleaned up so the mess will stop stressing us out, maybe things will get better. If I help my son study for his test and he makes a better grade this time, maybe things will get better.” Does this sound familiar? If you let yourself believe that your marriage is failing because you’re not working hard enough to fix things, you will drive yourself crazy. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and give yourself a break.

  1. Do something that’s all about you.

Self-care is key to making it through marriage troubles with your heart intact. Take the time to do something that’s all about you. This may be taking a long, soaky bath with a nice smelling bath bomb and a good book. Or maybe your favorite way to unwind and care for your body is by taking a yoga class. It may also be valuable to go to therapy. A therapist can help you explore your emotions and learn to cope in healthy ways.

  1. Know when it’s time to get out.

Though it may be hard to admit, some marriages just weren’t meant to be. It’s important to keep your perspective and to accept when it simply isn’t going to get any better. We hear a lot of clients say, “I feel pressure to keep trying to make it work for my kids.” The truth is, even though your divorce might not be easy for your children, it’s often far better than the alternative of living with two parents who make each other miserable. If you’ve decided that divorce is the right path for you, we are here to help. Contact the Law Offices of Kayleene H. Writer at (949) 823-1027 to get started.