Divorce is rarely easy. It involves significant emotional stress, financial uncertainty, and deep concern for your children and your future. For many, there comes a time when you realize that the relationship is not working and both spouses would be happier on their own. This is a difficult and heart-wrenching realization in many situations. However, the divorce process itself can be easier if you are mentally and financially prepared for what comes next. You need to ask yourself the following questions before you get a divorce.
- What will my life look like on my own?
Couples share a great deal. This includes daily responsibilities, and without someone else to share those duties, daily life can be a struggle. Things like picking up the children from daycare and being sure that you pay the mortgage on time can suddenly seem much more difficult than they once were. Sit down and think about all of the things that you and your spouse share. How will your life change from a practical standpoint if your spouse is not in your life any longer? Will you need some time to get ready financially and mentally for bringing up the subject of divorce? Sometimes creating a savings account or backup plan may be a good starting point.
- How will my children react?
Children’s feelings about divorce are extremely important, especially if the child is old enough to understand what is happening. In some situations, the relationship has gotten so bad that the frequent fights and animosity are worse for the child in the long run compared to going back and forth between households. Consider what is best for your kids in the long term, even if that means making some adjustments that you may not necessarily like.
- Have I done everything I can for the relationship?
This is a tough question. It is difficult to tell when it is time to stop trying in a relationship. Some people will run when they first realize that they are unhappy while others will try to stick out the marriage even when it seems like there is no hope. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, divorce may be the best option. However, if you have not even discussed your problems with your spouse, a frank conversation is the best place to start. Some things can be fixed by talking. Communication is critical in a successful relationship. Relationship therapy can work well for some, but it may not even be an option for others, so do not feel obligated to use this resource if you do not think it will help.
Only you will be able to tell when divorce is the right solution. There are no guidelines or rules—it is up to you to make the decision.
- What are the main problems with my marriage?
Sometimes people do not really want a divorce. Instead, they want a better marriage with the person that they chose. This can be a difficult distinction. Recognizing your problem areas can help you decide whether this distinction affects you. Ordinary relationship challenges are difficult, but they are not impossible. Determine whether the conflicts you identified are things that can be changed or if these irreconcilable differences mean that the relationship no longer works for you. Pinpointing the problems can also help with communication if you wish to salvage a relationship.
Determining when and whether to divorce is a highly personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer. Talking to a therapist, family, friends, or divorce attorney can help the decision-making process become clearer for you. At the Law Offices of Kayleene H. Writer, we care about our clients enough to listen to your concerns when you are contemplating a divorce. Give us a call to set up an appointment.